Ryder turned nine months on September 3rd and it hit me hard that in just three months my little man will turn a year old. I try not to get emotional when I think about this reality as I'm sure all mothers’ do as they stop and ask themselves "where has the time gone?" Being a working mom is tough... I'm not talking about the exhausted from teaching twenty one three and four year old, never feeling caught up, ever growing to do list, coming home to full time mommy duty tough... I'm talking about not having enough hours in your day to spend with your son tough. With the recent move into our new home my commute to work went from 15 minutes to 35 minutes. I leave the house before Rye even wakes up and often times hold him for the first time all day at 4:30 p.m. He goes down for bed between 7:30 and 8 so that leaves me with a total of 3 maybe 3 1/2 hours to spend with him. I made a promise to him and myself that I will not do an OUNCE of school work until he goes to bed {this includes checking emails}. I am proud to say I have held true to this promise but it's doesn't come close to making up for the mommy guilt that consumes me like a dark cloud every night as I contemplate waking him up to get in one more snuggle, one more drooly open mouth kiss, one more scrunched nose smile... I have been praying lately for clarity and balance. Clarity as to what God's plan is for my path... working mommy or stay at home mommy... and for being able to balance both my full time jobs in the mean time until God grants me the clarity my heart, body and mind so desperately desires. I think about our next child and I can't help but think of things I will do differently. Starting with the length of my maternity leave...I will take the full 12 weeks if not 4 years. I will not pressure myself to solely nurse but I will give it my all. I will pump every three hours to increase my supply and to stock up. I will baby wear from day one and buy the straight Native American baby wearing sling of my dreams. I will nap when baby naps and take all the help that is offered to me. Some things I will not do differently: love my baby unconditionally, savor every laugh, hug, kiss and smile, read them bedtime prayers before bed, praying they have a strong relationship with God, try my best to be the best mom I know how to be. Ryder: Age: 9 Months Hobbies: Perimeter walking, laughing, finding the smallest piece of dirt, food or trash to put in his mouth, dancing, playing at the park and pulling things out of boxes and containers.